Fulfillment
by jing-i
Summary: just a short Subaru POV drabble... takes place aft Sei's death...sorta masochistic... was in a weird mood when i did this i guess... give it a try?


**Fulfillment **

An X fanfiction

By dj

Disclaimer: I wish i wish... If i were Clamp, i'd never stop X...

* * *

Another night, with another person, inside him, on the floor of a dirty dark alley.

He had lost track of the number of times this has happened.

The first time was not the slightest bit memorable.

Then again, he hadn't thought it would be.

He had simply let it happen.

Far from being the innocent little boy he had been at sixteen, he was now fully aware of how desirable he appeared to others, male or female. So in a sense, he had asked for it.

Perhaps he did. After all, his occupations acquainted him fairly well with the less presentable districts in Tokyo. Thus, when he had wandered into one such district after feeding the Sakura tree at Ueno Park, he knew he was going to attract the wrong sort of attention.

He was everything his rapist wanted him to be. An exotic beauty with mismatched eyes who was fragile and submissive to his 'fate'. The tears that ran down his face, more due to reflex than actual humiliation, pleased him as well. Being a rather pathetic fellow who never got a good release seeing as his usual victims were either corpses or cheap, ugly whores when he had a little cash on him, the lack of response did not bother him. In fact, he probably saw that night as his lucky break. And it probably was, had he not tried to kiss his prize.

At that point, a torrent of sakura petals tore through him, leaving a gaping hole where his heart should be.

His 'victim' simply stood up, tidied his clothes, and left.

This incident was repeated several times, and then several more times. Generally after feeding time for the tree, when his need would be greatest.

His fantasy to give his first to the previous guardian of the tree had become unrealizable years ago. He knew that. He also accepted that. Therefore, the only hope he held on to was that if he were degraded enough, all cats would become gray and anyone would suffice. Because no matter how he tried, he could never pretend the person above him was who he wished he would be.

The hurt and shame he was subjected to during such encounters was exactly what he needed. Sometimes, one of the people who used him would find himself faced with a sudden conscience attack at seeing such an angel become tainted with filth. While said angel never bothered with his apologies, he did not end his life either.

Despite the number of times he had been violated, he had still not given out his kiss. Though he did not understand this, his subconscious had firmly decreed it to be something only one person could receive. Since that person was no longer in this world, his kiss would just have to remain his to keep.

Sometimes, he wondered how an orgasm felt like, though he suspected he would never know. It offended some of his perpetuators that he was so impassive while they were being lifted to the high heavens. They would try to punish him. For their miserable existences, he only held pity. Hence, he would save them by putting them out of their misery before leaving calmly. As though he was unaffected.

But he was not unaffected.

He was never unaffected after each incident.

They only left him with more longing.

His consciousness would return that fateful day on that fateful bridge.

He would try to catch a whiff of that person from the bed, even though that person had not slept there for five years now.

Lost in the imaginary scent, only one word would escape his mouth and proceed to echo around the four walls, amplified by his mind.

Then he would fall into a fitful sleep, where that person would taunt him. Almost fulfilling him, but never actually doing so.

Not that he ever expected him to...

* * *

A/N: Learned that i shld never upload anything without vetting it first... was appalled at the number of errors and horrible sentence structure... Dj... u shld not be lazy... haish.. not tt this is much better but oh well... still think it's weird... cos i'm still in a weird mood? hehx.. oh well... C&C...

Once again... thx to NeeNeeGuiJnr...


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